Stuff Latin People Like

Latin People never ask for anything. You must offer it to them before they accept it. Even if they are starving to death and they will still be too proud to ask for food or money. However, they may show up at your doorstep for a surprise visit right around dinnertime! When they do, you must invite them in to eat with the family or risk appearing impolite, or worse yet, mal educado. If you are invited in to dinner, you must accept the invitation because refusing to eat with a family will also earn you the title of mal educado. Nothing is more shameful to a Latin person that to be called mal educado. Please use the term carefully because under certain circumstances a fight may ensue. But you may drop hints as the dinner guest leaves that they were totally unexpected and not hurt anyone’s feelings. For example, you could say, “Visit us for dinner anytime! But next time call ahead so we can add water to the soup.”

Since childhood, Latin People are taught to work hard for everything they need or want. Begging or asking for free handouts is forbidden, although hinting is permissible under the right conditions. Only after some begging by the giver will the needy Latino accept. If a Latin person wants a new TV, he or she will save up for it or buy it on credit, but it’s also permissable to hint to a very close family member that he or she would like the TV on sale for $299 at Wal-Mart for you birthday. He or she will simply put the Wal-Mart sale paper in plain view in the bathroom with the sale TV circled. And he or she will say things like, “I hate when we all can’t watch our novelas in peace.” But you must never ask for anything outright! It looks like begging. Latin People are a proud people and are therefore not beggars. The ones you see begging are just lazy and mal educados.

Tags: Lifestyle, Society

Look at me and tell me if I don’t have Brazil in every curve of my body.
–Carmen Miranda, Brazil.

Hasta la vista, baby.
–Arnold Schwarzenegger, USA.

We belong to our families.
–Dolores del Río, México, Flying Down to Río.

I request nothing beyond the thickly crucial luxury of seats available even in soft, Corinthian leather.
–Ricardo Montalbán, México.

¡Cuchi, cuchi!
–Charo, Spain, (But White People think she’s a Latina!)

Tags: Famous Quotes, History

The nickname for José is Pepe. In convents and monasteries, during the reading of the Scriptures, Saint Joseph was referred to as Pater Putatibus, or simply P.P. (Pronounced pe pe in Spanish), meaning Padre Putativo, or putative father of Jesus Christ.

Nachos were invented by Ignacio “Nacho” Anaya in Piedras Negras, Coahuila, México, in 1943.

The tortilla is a type of flat bread made from corn called tlaxcalli in Nahuatl by the Aztecs. The Spaniards called it a tortilla because of its circular shape that resembled the Spanish tortilla.

About 25% of all Major League Baseball players were born in Latin America, the most from the Dominican Republic.

Venezuela was named by Amerigo Vespucci, after whom America is named. In 1499, he saw a village on stilts during high tide and was reminded of Venice (Venecia in Spanish). So he named the region “Little Venice” or Venezuela.

Tags: History, Society

Mexico is somewhat of a melting pot as there are Mexicans tracing their ancestry to numerous countries other than Mexico.

Here is an interesting blog entry about the melting pot in Mexico:

http://chandani.vox.com/library/post/blue-eyed-mexicans.html?_c=feed-atom

¡Buen provecho!

Tags: History, Lifestyle, Politics, Society

El domingo is a time-honored tradition for Latin People, but especially for the children. As its name implies, it always takes place on a Sunday, usually when visiting the family on un paseo. All the children are given money that is called el domingo (It may also be called la paga de la semana, la semanada, por la semana, or la mesada, depending on the Latin American country of origin). This is money given to the children, usually by all the adult males present, with no strings attached. Unlike an American allowance, the children do nothing to earn this money. It’s their birthright.

Sometimes, the adults forget to distribute el domingo to the children. However, Latin children are taught not to beg. Only when all the adults forget about el domingo may the children respectfully remind them of their bad manners: “¿Dónde está mi domingo?“.  If an adult forgets about el domingo, he is considered mal educado. If he intentionally “forgets” about giving el domingo to all the children present, it’s permissible for all the adults to call him, “¡Pendejo!“. This is the only time that children may ask for money and not appear mal educados. In fact, this situation reflects badly on the adults who appear to have bad manners. This time-honored tradition must be respected by all male adults present: grandfathers, uncles, cousins, second cousins, third cousins, pretend relatives, and male friends who tagged along when the family announced, “¡Vamos a pasear!“ 

Women are not required to give el domingo to the children, but they are not prohibited from giving money to the children either. Children are usually cautious before accepting money from a female relative because she generally makes an unusual request. For example, abuelita will give you a nickel, but only if you let her nibble your ear! And why only a nickel? Because that’s the most she ever received for her domingo!

Tags: Lifestyle, Society

It’s not my job, man!
–Freddy Prinze, USA, (Puerto Rico).

 ¡Yo quiero Taco Bell!
–The Taco Bell Chihuahua, USA.

 Poor Mexico! So far from God, so close to the United States.
–Porfirio Díaz, México.

 Sí se puede.
–César Chávez, USA, (México).

 I am my own woman.
–Evita Perón, Argentina.

Tags: Famous Quotes, History

You know you’re Latin if … 

1. Your whole family goes to the laundromat.
2. You grow corn in your garden.
3. You have a birthday party for your son or daughter and you invite more adults than children.
4. You beep your horn instead of ringing the doorbell.
5. You hate being called Latino by other Latinos.
6. You took Spanish in high school for an easy A and got a C.
7. You take your family on un paseo through the car wash and tell them that the ride is called “The Tidal Wave.”
8. You’re married, but your mother still hits you in public.
9. The police pull you over and you pretend not to speak English.
10. You have a statue of la Virgen in a half-buried bathtub in your front lawn.

Tags: Lifestyle

In America everyone likes to blame White people when things go wrong. When anger knocks on the door of a minority, the majority is always behind it. But when the door is pushed open, everybody answers differently. Some shout out in angry tones, others smile and wait until it is pulled close.

Latinos have a love/hate relationship with White people that they hide behind tightly closed doors. This confusing link is something that Latinos think a lot about subconsciously every day. On one hand, they love all the wonderful stuff that White people have invented like Wal-Mart, McDonalds, Disney World, and of course America. Latin people are always pondering what the next White invention that will excite them will be. In short, Latinos love White people when everything is going right.

If a Latino wins some lottery money, gets a raise, or finds a good sale on Wal-Mart he/she will be satisfied and proud of the White man. They might even smile as they count the $100 dollars they won from a scratch-off ticket and say, “comen mierda estos Yanqui, but you know what, they’re smart,” or “finally they gave me something for free,” or more likely “this is the best country in the world!”

However, if things start going downhill, then they change their attitude about the entire White race. If a Latino gets fired or gas prices go up then it’s because, “los  gringos de mierda took my job, que se  vayan par carajo, stupidos Norteamericanos de mierda,” or when they have to pay taxes, “I work hard and now I have to give my money to los caga culos, hijo de…,” and so on. Most Latinos believe that White people are behind every calamity in the world.

Notice how all the insults above are in Spanish, this is a great Latino technique used for dealing with other races. Obviously, Latinos do this so that other people can’t understand what they are saying, which makes them appear nice while telling someone off. For instance, if two Latinos are walking down the street and stumble upon their mean White boss they could appear to be nice and insult him/her at the same time.

Latino #1: “Hey boss, how are you doing, nice tie! Pedro, (wink!) right that his tie looks like a culo viejo, marica peste a mierda.”

Latino #2: “Yeah, it does look amazing, que blanco mas puto, the best tie I’ve ever seen, se ve como mi culo.”

White Boss: “Thanks guys!”

The culture shock between Latinos and white people is notably electrifying, so much so that neither race can understand one single thing about each other. For example, a Latino’s mind can’t comprehend why anyone would dress their dogs up for Halloween, or worse, spend hundreds of dollars grooming it to carry it inside a tiny purse. You will never see a Latina carrying a Chihuahua in her purse as she walks through downtown with her big-hoops earrings. Latinos see dogs as pets; white people see dogs as part of the family.

Neither will you ever catch a Latino on shows like Jackass, sticking small toy cars up their butts, or worse, paying money to see other people do it. Even though millions of white people across the country found this hilarious, a Latino will just look at it with a blank face and question, “porque se metio the little car en el culo? Esta loco? He’s crazy?”

No, a Latino will never wear scarves or celebrate pointless (to them) holidays like St. Patrick’s Day, Earth Day, or even Cinco De Mayo. New Years is about the only “official” holiday all Latinos celebrate. And they can’t understand why White people prefer bottled water instead of regular water, and they don’t see the point of spending thousands of dollars on Yoga classes to “stretch.” Latinos hate the taste of tea, find marathons and recycling pointless, think people with Bluetooth headsets look stupid, don’t see the point of an organization that doesn’t make profit, and find everything that White people do puzzling and sometimes ridiculous.

This is not to say that one race is better than the other, but that they are undeniably different. And as a result of this Latino have developed a habit of blaming everything on White people, even their faults. Latinos will often call another Latino white if he/she does something stupid. For example if a Latino kid jumps a set of stairs and falls flat on his face his mother will yell at him in a tough loving voice ”are you white?”

Tags: White People

To the people here, we are outsiders. Foreigners.
–Roberto Clemente, Puerto Rico.

Lucy! I’m home!
–Desi Arnaz, Cuba.

I don’t have to show you any stinkin’ badges!
–Alfonso Bedoya, México, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.

¡Azúcar!
–Celia Cruz, Cuba.

¡No más! ¡No más!
–Roberto Durán, Panamá.

Baseball has been very, very good to me!
–Fernando Valenzuela, México.

Tags: Famous Quotes, History

Sometimes when Latinos speak, White People feel a certain paranoia that they are the main topic of the Latinos speaking. Most often, they’re right. When talking about White People, Latinos rarely refer to them as “Whites” or “White People” unless they intentionally want to make them feel uncomfortable. They usually refer to White People in coded terms that aren’t so obvious, even when speaking English. If you’re around Latin People and suddenly you don’t understand what they’re saying, they’re probably talking about you.

One of the most common names for White People is “Anglo Sajón” or “Anglo” (but never “Angla“). However, White paranoia being what it is, White People have learned to understand “anglo” and so Latinos often resort to one of the many other names in their repertoire. Also rarely used is “Caucáseo / Caucásea” because it sounds too much like “Caucasian.”

“Yanqui” and “Norteamericano / Norteamericana” are also obvious references to White People. In the right context, they are practically swear words in the mouths of Latin People. “Yanqui” usually refers to White People, particularly those of the United States, who appear imperialistic and would love to annex all of Latin America. Ditto for “Norteamericano / Norteamericana” that refer to all people north of the Rio Grande, Canadians included. This brings up an interesting difference between north and south, White People and Latin America, and translations from Spanish to English. The river that serves as the border between Texas and Mexico is called the Rio Grande River. Its name is redundant since río means river anyway. However, that is only the English name for the river because all Spanish-speaking countries call the Rio Grande River, el Río Bravo (del Norte). Perhaps something was lost in the translation.

Another obvious reference to White People is “Gringo / Gringa” because they live in Gringolandia. Gringo is probably derived from the Spanish word for Greek, “griego,” as in “It’s Greek to me.” Another possible source comes from the era when General Pershing was pursuing Pancho Villa along the U.S.-Mexican border. Whenever Mexicans saw the American soldiers, they used to yell, “Green coats, go home!” and later just, “Green, go!” Either way, Gringo is here to stay.

Using “blanco / blanca” is used only if the speaker intentionally wants White People to notice, since most White People will remember these words from their high school Spanish class. Much better are terms like “güero / güera,” “gabacho / gabacha,” or “bolillo / bolilla” when referring to White People. Some White People actually like these names and continue using them for themselves. Just listen to Beck’s song “Que onda Guero?” (sic). He actually seems to be proud of the fact that he’s a güero in the barrio of East L.A. talking to the homeboys and vatos.

All these names may also be used for Latinos. For example, if a Latina has light skin and/or light brown hair, everyone calls her Güera. If a Mexican acts too “American,” his family might start calling him bolillo because he is brown on the outside but white on the inside. And let’s not forget that famous Nuyo Rican reguetonero who calls himself Daddy Yankee (English spelling).

One term that should be used with extreme caution when referring to White People is “la migra.” There is no middle ground with la migra. It’s either whispered in hushed tones to avoid attracting attention. Or, more than likely, it’s shouted at the top of one’s lungs: ¡La migra! When la migra shows up, everyone runs and tries to escape. Legal citizens will act as decoys to impede la migra.

Tags: Lifestyle, Society